Well hello all! I have few things I wanted to say. First off I know I have not posted much but I will get back to it. Um I wanted to tell you all about a group on facebook that my friend and I have started. It is an all inclusive group. It is for people to feel accepted if you have a disability and fetish. Now this is not an ABDL page it is for those that have a disability and a fetish that helps deal with it. As many of you have seen my videos you know that I have many health issues and in order to help accept that. I am an ABDL but it does not rule my life. I am me first and for most. but many people do not understand the disability things and even more do not understand the fetish. So that is what our group is for. It is a closed group so we have to approve who joins. But there are a few rules and they are posted on the group. First off No fake profiles! If you are ashamed to be who you really are that is fine. But we want to avoid having people join that are just there to cause trouble. This group is to support others that suffer from some sort of disability and need help to accept and deal with the issues that arise from it.
And second, I am so disappointed right now. My all time Favorite Song artist is coming to KC and I am just heartbroken that I can not go to see him. I have never had the chance to go in person. But being a such a fixed income has made it impossible to be able to go. His music has been such an inspiration to me and I wanted to go so bad. It is my dream to go some day and meet him in person. That person is Keith Harkin. I love his music and it makes me so sad not to go. And lastly, In just a couple weeks It is my one year anniversary of my Boyfriend and I getting together. This year has had many ups and downs but one thing is for sure. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He puts up with so much from me and yet he sicks so close to me. He is my rock and life with out him would be nothing. I love all you guys and you have shown so much support to me. I hope you all have a good week! Just keep strong even when it is hard. And I am talking to myself as well here. Hey everyone. Long time no see. I am back. My boyfriend set me up on another lap top so I can get back to editing videos and writing blogs. This weekend has been rough. And last night I got to thinking about a person I lost. I was watching tv and It was about a friend that passed in the show. It just brought all those emotions flooding back. So I wrote to her. I told her how much I missed her. And I told her what inspired me. She was the strongest person I know. She went through so much yet she never stopped trying. She went to school even though she missed a lot of it. She moved to another state and got married! She never stopped trying something big or brave. She never stopped living life as if there was no tomorrow. She is what inspired me to stop hiding and share with all you what I go through. My heart aches for her everyday. My heart aches to have just one more phone call. But For her I will do it. I will make it and never stop living life as if there was no tomorrow. And maybe that does not mean doing big things everyday. It means ending each day happy and loved. So for those of you that are scared to let people in your life know about your incontinence. But live today like it was your last. Be truly happy. Let the world show you the beauty of life!
Hey everyone so my computer is pretty messed up. I can not record videos or do much typing cause it is really slow. So I will try to get to them when I can.
Well life has turned a bit upside down the last few weeks. That is why I have not been around. I know many of you follow my youtube channel Back in Diapers, but for those of you who don't i wanted to give you an update.
So On May 31st My boyfriend was scheduled to have his wisdom teeth surgery. Well everything was going well. We got there and got all settled in and the doctors all talked to us and they were getting his IV in and just about to put him out, when all the sudden I passed out and had a seizure. I was out for a long time. Over five minutes, which is the longest they like to see anything seizure related happening. So the doctor that witnessed it decided to call 911. I had flopped forward and the doctor happened to catch me. He held me for over five minutes till I came to. I was so weak I could not move on my own at all. He and my boyfriend managed to get me into the chair which my boyfriend was sitting in for the surgery. This is when they started to get really worried. They hooked me up to all the monitors to check my vitals. But they could not get any of the monitors to pick up my vitals. They could not find a heat rate because it was low and my Blood Pressure was so low that the cuff could not get it. This went on for several minutes. When the ambulance arrived they took over trying to get a pulse and BP. Finally they were able to get it but it was really low. They loaded me into the ambulance and tried to get an IV. they finally got that in and were off. At the hospital they ran some tests and did a CT scan of my head to see if they could see anything wrong. Everything came back ok and in less than an hour they released me. The ER doctor said that he was not going to call it a seizure because if he did I would not be allowed to drive for six months. He said it was just a fainting spell. So he sent me off and said that if it happened again then they would consider a seizure diagnosis. Well later that night it did happen again. But it was different than the first one. This time I did not pass out. Only one side of my body seized. And I stayed awake for it. So we did not call 911 we just road it out, hoping that was the last one. Well... It wasn't. Over the next few days I had several more seizures. One was really bad and we did call 911. They took me in and once again after blood work just sent me home with no idea of what they wanted us to do. This went on for over a week. We did not go to the hospital for all of them. But there was one thing we went in for. I had a seizure that morning and then though out the day I had a headache that was the worst I had ever experienced in my life. So the doctor decided that he would do a couple of CT scans to make sure all was ok in my head. This meant they had to get a second IV in my arm so they could give me IV contrast. This is a miserable process for me. I hate needles number one and my veins have been used so much that they now are tiny and hide as soon as they poke it into me. So they tried for about 15 minutes to get an IV in my arm and my body had just had it. I had a seizure right there in the ER. The funny thing was that my doctor that night was the one who first told me it was just fainting and not a seizure. So now he actually saw me have one. Which in a way was good. That was the first one the doctors had actually witnessed. Anyway so they medicated me up to prevent any more seizures that night and sent me off to the test. I was kind of out of it after that. I kept moving for my tests and it took like three tries to get it. All was ok in my head so they sent me home. This time with orders not to Drive, Swim, Or bathe and shower unless someone was around to keep an eye on me. A few weeks down the road, and I have finally seen a Neurologist for this and he is going to do some testing. I have my first test on Friday to see if these seizure are epileptic or not. This will help them determine what meds to put me on. This is the first step in diagnosing what is really going on. It has been a long 4 weeks, and I am stuck at home not allowed to drive, or go to work. I spend most of my days feeling very spacey and unable to do things because I am so tired after a seizure. It can be very frustrating and very boring. But we have to figure all this out. Keeping our fingers crossed every day that I will be seizure free! First off I posted a new video on youtube, so take a look at my channel.
So this post is kind of a continuance of the video. Lately I am having a lot of trouble controlling my bowel. I just can't seem to make it to the toilet. Either I run trying to make it there and don't and end up with a messy diaper or I just don't get enough warning at all and it just happens. Sometimes I do not even know I go until I smell it, and also I go in my sleep a lot. I get myself down when this happens. I feel like I am a failure. I can't understand why I can't make it to the freaking toilet to poop. There are days when I do not even try. I get so tired of the pain that occurs when I do sit and go. I get pain in my legs as well as I just can't seem to get it all out in a sitting position. So there are days when I say "to hell with the toilet" Then I feel bad that I don't try. But I am much happier when I do not have to stress about getting there in time. I do not get the tummy ache that follows a not complete poop and I do not get the stress of not making it. So when is it time to just give in and leave the toilet in the past? Is there ever a time? Having my boyfriend reassure me that he will support what ever I decide to do. He is even willing to help me clean up and change the diapers. But I don't want to rely on him for that. I want to be able to do it on my own. It is obviously easier when he can change it for me. I just have to lay there and role over. But still is that where I want to go? This week I have been sick and he decided to take over diaper duty to let me rest. It was a nice break I have to say. But is it really practical? I go through more diapers when I do use it for pooping, but is it worth the money to be free of the pain and stress? So that is my dilemma. Hey every one, things have been busy this week. I may have a while before I will be posting new videos and posts. I am moving this weekend into and apartment with my boyfriend. Things are gonna be kinda crazy for a little bit but I will get to a post when I can.
Well I am adjusting to life in Kansas. We are living with my boyfriend's parent's house. We are getting our own place next month. I am very excited and can not wait. I have been learning to drive around a new area, and shop at new stores, and all that fun stuff. I am still looking for a job, no luck yet.
However since the move I have a new thing that has been going on. It seems that in my sleep I have been taking off my diaper. I have woken up several nights with it totally off, and other nights one side will be un-taped. Usually the right side. I am not totally sure why this happens. There are many theories to why I am doing it. But I am trying to figure out some ways to remedy it. Our first emergency solutions in to string a chain through my pj pants and use a little lock. Not the most comfortable I have to say. We also tried putting a cloth diaper over the disposable. This works ok but I have gotten it off. So I am working on a pj that does not need a lock. I am hoping that I leave the snaps alone at night. I have had many Ideas given to stop this. Some of them, Tying my hands to something, Putting mittens on, and so on. I do not like being restrained like that so for now I am putting up with the lock. I am planning a few more videos. I however am not going to post all of them here. Just some, in hopes to encourage people to go to my youtube channel. I have had a few issues with people posting about ABDL stuff on there and I made a video about my irritation with things that have been said. Check it out on my channel backindiaper05. Going to hopefully do a few more reviews. I want to do a video on some of the products that I use and things like that, to help out with rashes and clean up. So keep an eye out for new Videos! |