So I thought I would start this blog with a little background about me. I am 27 and I have been battling my health for many years. I have a genetic condition that caused the need for a lot of surgeries. And this is where my incontinence comes into play. After a couple surgeries I started having a few accidents at night. I was not too happy about that. Pretty much I would have a messy accident a few times a week and with that I would often wet as well. It upset me a lot and I did everything I could to get it to stop. And it would improve for a little while and then get bad again. Often times these spurts were started with getting sick. Whenever I was sick I would wear a diaper pretty much through the whole day and night cause I never knew when I was going to have an accident.
So that is what my life became for a while, A constant back and forth with being sick and getting healthy again. With each new surgery brought on the growing amount of accidents. I was never more embarrassed in all my life than when I would have an accident. If I was in the hospital I had to get help with all the clean up and changing. I had some great nurses that were so willing to help me and to make me feel better about it. But I also had some bad nurses as well, but that is a story for another time.
I spent at least seven years with this on and off incontinence war. Then one day it all changed. I was finally getting healthy again and so I had a good solid year where I was not sick. But I still had some on and off wetting issues. I decided to have my best friend over for a girls night. We watched girly movies and had lots of gossip. But it was the next morning when things got bad. We had our day and were just doing normal girl stuff. We decided to make lunch. At this time I was not diapered. So I was standing in the kitchen making some Mac and Cheese when all the sudden I felt my pants get wet. I was shocked. There was a puddle on the floor and my khakis were now dark and wet. I was mortified. I had never had anything happen like this when I felt good. So I changed my clothes and then went back to watching a movie. And then it happened again. I was sitting on the couch and just all the sudden felt my pants get warm. I look down and I am soaked again!!. I went and changed yet again feeling totally embarrassed that my friend had seen that. But I brushed it off and just changed. I don’t remember all the details but it happened twice later that day. I was so baffled as to what was going on. As my mom was out that day, I called her and asked her to pick up a pack of diapers for me. She did that quite often so it was not that unusual.
And that is the last day that I had ever had control over my bladder. I never wore another pair of regular underwear after that. And I never had the feeling that I needed to pee again. I was officially un-potty trained from that moment on. Well let’s say my bladder was the un-potty trained part.
Over the next few months we did the whole doctor and medication route. Once we realized that I had no feeling of a full bladder or the need to pee did not come to my brain we started with going to my Primary doctor. He knew about the occasional accidents so he recommended a urologist to me. I went and she scheduled a round of tests to determine what went on. They did this flow test to make sure that it came out well at least. Then she scheduled this test where you are hooked up to wires the measure the signals your muscles are getting. They put in a catheter and start to fill up your bladder, and as they do they watch what the muscles do on the screen. As they fill it they tell you to let them know when you get the feeling that you need to pee. Well I did. We had over a half a liter of fluid in my bladder and I still did not feel it. Then all the sudden it was like a damn in a river giving way and I just wet right then and there all over the floor. It was kind of funny at the time. After the nurse cleaned up the floor and got me all disconnected she said that the test showed no activity from the bladder muscles until I started wetting. Usually when a bladder is half full your muscles contract a little and that is what you feel as the need to pee.
So with that test finished we moved onto the next test. This one was the worst of them all. This test is called a cystoscopy. In this test the put in a catheter and then they thread a scope up into your bladder to look at the bladder lining and make sure there are no lesions or ulcers. I will say this, It was not a fun test to have done, Not at all. Once again they fill up your bladder so they can see it well. My bladder looked normal! So that concluded the test. But after they filled me up just enough so I wouldn't wet, the doctor decided she wanted what they call a flow test. They have you pee into this toilet that has a device the measures the rate at which you go. Kind of weird, but hey she is the doctor so I went along with it. I started to put my diaper back on and she said “oh there is no need to get dressed it is just down the hall.” I knew this was going to be bad news. I was thinking “ok lady, I am incontinent. I have no ability to hold it, and you want me to walk down the hall without a diaper after you fill my bladder up? Are you Nuts?” But I walked down the hall in the gown and no diaper. When we got to the door the nurse had to reset the machine. And that is when it happened. All over the floor like a flood. I was soaked the floor was soaked and it was just an all around bad situation. I was horrified! It was my first ever pants wetting that had happened in public. But the nurse was so nice and said it actually happened all the time. But I still was so embarrassed that it happened. I was 24 and had never had an accident like that. Yeah I had wet diapers and stuff like that but this was different.
So finally after all the tests were done we went into the office to discuss things with the doctor. She determined that I needed a medication that would help my bladder contract more. I thought what the hell let’s give it a try.
So that is pretty much how my journey started. It has been crazy since that day and always will be. But more on that a little later.
So that is what my life became for a while, A constant back and forth with being sick and getting healthy again. With each new surgery brought on the growing amount of accidents. I was never more embarrassed in all my life than when I would have an accident. If I was in the hospital I had to get help with all the clean up and changing. I had some great nurses that were so willing to help me and to make me feel better about it. But I also had some bad nurses as well, but that is a story for another time.
I spent at least seven years with this on and off incontinence war. Then one day it all changed. I was finally getting healthy again and so I had a good solid year where I was not sick. But I still had some on and off wetting issues. I decided to have my best friend over for a girls night. We watched girly movies and had lots of gossip. But it was the next morning when things got bad. We had our day and were just doing normal girl stuff. We decided to make lunch. At this time I was not diapered. So I was standing in the kitchen making some Mac and Cheese when all the sudden I felt my pants get wet. I was shocked. There was a puddle on the floor and my khakis were now dark and wet. I was mortified. I had never had anything happen like this when I felt good. So I changed my clothes and then went back to watching a movie. And then it happened again. I was sitting on the couch and just all the sudden felt my pants get warm. I look down and I am soaked again!!. I went and changed yet again feeling totally embarrassed that my friend had seen that. But I brushed it off and just changed. I don’t remember all the details but it happened twice later that day. I was so baffled as to what was going on. As my mom was out that day, I called her and asked her to pick up a pack of diapers for me. She did that quite often so it was not that unusual.
And that is the last day that I had ever had control over my bladder. I never wore another pair of regular underwear after that. And I never had the feeling that I needed to pee again. I was officially un-potty trained from that moment on. Well let’s say my bladder was the un-potty trained part.
Over the next few months we did the whole doctor and medication route. Once we realized that I had no feeling of a full bladder or the need to pee did not come to my brain we started with going to my Primary doctor. He knew about the occasional accidents so he recommended a urologist to me. I went and she scheduled a round of tests to determine what went on. They did this flow test to make sure that it came out well at least. Then she scheduled this test where you are hooked up to wires the measure the signals your muscles are getting. They put in a catheter and start to fill up your bladder, and as they do they watch what the muscles do on the screen. As they fill it they tell you to let them know when you get the feeling that you need to pee. Well I did. We had over a half a liter of fluid in my bladder and I still did not feel it. Then all the sudden it was like a damn in a river giving way and I just wet right then and there all over the floor. It was kind of funny at the time. After the nurse cleaned up the floor and got me all disconnected she said that the test showed no activity from the bladder muscles until I started wetting. Usually when a bladder is half full your muscles contract a little and that is what you feel as the need to pee.
So with that test finished we moved onto the next test. This one was the worst of them all. This test is called a cystoscopy. In this test the put in a catheter and then they thread a scope up into your bladder to look at the bladder lining and make sure there are no lesions or ulcers. I will say this, It was not a fun test to have done, Not at all. Once again they fill up your bladder so they can see it well. My bladder looked normal! So that concluded the test. But after they filled me up just enough so I wouldn't wet, the doctor decided she wanted what they call a flow test. They have you pee into this toilet that has a device the measures the rate at which you go. Kind of weird, but hey she is the doctor so I went along with it. I started to put my diaper back on and she said “oh there is no need to get dressed it is just down the hall.” I knew this was going to be bad news. I was thinking “ok lady, I am incontinent. I have no ability to hold it, and you want me to walk down the hall without a diaper after you fill my bladder up? Are you Nuts?” But I walked down the hall in the gown and no diaper. When we got to the door the nurse had to reset the machine. And that is when it happened. All over the floor like a flood. I was soaked the floor was soaked and it was just an all around bad situation. I was horrified! It was my first ever pants wetting that had happened in public. But the nurse was so nice and said it actually happened all the time. But I still was so embarrassed that it happened. I was 24 and had never had an accident like that. Yeah I had wet diapers and stuff like that but this was different.
So finally after all the tests were done we went into the office to discuss things with the doctor. She determined that I needed a medication that would help my bladder contract more. I thought what the hell let’s give it a try.
So that is pretty much how my journey started. It has been crazy since that day and always will be. But more on that a little later.